Self-care has been a buzzword for the last few years when talking about mental health. While self-care is a pillar of mental health, the recent traction around the concept has made people question whether self-care is helpful or just a mask for selfishness. Buzzwords can help spread awareness, but they often are misunderstood or taken out of context. Developing an understanding of what self-care represents and the purpose it serves can help clear up the confusion.
What exactly is self-care?
Self-care by definition is “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.”
If you were to hop on social media chances are you will probably come across a post providing examples of self-care options such as: call up a friend, buy yourself flowers or listen to your favorite music. While self-care can definitely be treating yourself to your favorite meal or getting a massage, it isn’t always about the things that make you feel happy or are relaxing. Self-care can also be showing up for yourself in those not so easy ways such as: attending your first therapy appointment, establishing a boundary with your family member, or finally listening to the advice from your doctor to limit those beloved desserts.
Self-care is taking the steps to make your health and wellness count. Not by excluding others and their needs, but by including yourself in the equation. Self-care places emphasis on the fact that a person can be empowered to make changes and decisions for themselves that can improve their situation, even when life can feel totally out of control. Self-care is taking on personal accountability that your needs, feelings, and desires DO matter.
How can I start engaging in self-care?
“I don’t want to be selfish” is a common response I hear from clients when having discussions around incorporating self-care into their routines. In our society it is uncommon for people to place emphasis on themselves for fear of being seen as selfish or uncaring. Selflessness is a societal pressure that comes with praise and admiration. When a person has secondary gains from putting themselves on the backburner it can be hard to change behaviors to start including themselves into the equation.
In order to make your own physical, mental, or emotional health a priority, gaining insight and clarity on your needs can be a good start. Like most changes in life a total overhaul is not going to be sustainable, so finding one manageable change at a time can be most effective. Maybe it’s increasing your water intake by 1 glass a day or getting up 10 minutes before the kids wake up to have your coffee in silence or even reading yourself a daily affirmation. Engaging in a self-care action can help reinforce that you matter and are willing to start paying greater attention to yourself.
Can I practice self-care and still be supportive to others?
Absolutely. Taking care of ourselves and prioritizing our health does not mean that we cannot hold space and be helpful for others. With that being said, there are boundaries around being supportive that should coincide with self-care. Helping or being supportive of another person should not be hurtful to yourself or cross your boundaries. Let me repeat. Helping another person should not be hurtful to you.
Asking yourself questions such as: “Do I have space to take this on in my life right now? Is helping them going to create problems or pain for me? Is what they are asking of me crossing my boundaries?” If you answered yes to any of the above questions it is very likely that the support the person is seeking would not be healthy for you to provide. If you answered no to the questions above it is quite likely you have space to be supportive.
Remember, self-care is making decisions that preserve or improve one’s health. If engaging in actions, even if helpful for another, does not fall in line with your health it is time to set a boundary and say “no”. Placing a priority on your health and wellbeing, also gives the people in your life permission to do the same. This sometimes can be the most supportive thing you can do, not only for yourself, but also for others.
Meet The Author
SARAH FREITAG
MC, LPC, NCC
Meet The Author
Sarah is a Clinical Therapist and Clinical Supervisor at Sea Glass Mental Health. She works with teen and adult populations. Sarah specializes in trauma, anxiety, EMDR, grief and eating disorders.
